TINSELTOWN JERKS

Everybody likes a well-developed character! In fact, most of us tend to like characters to whom we can relate. Then, there are those characters that are just so god damn cool, it doesn’t matter if we can relate to them or not. Then, there are the jerks. Most of us tend not to like jerks. Seriously, when we see jerks in some sort of fictional story, we think of all the times when there was that one guy in high school who just seemed to be liked by everyone for some reason, yet we secretly hated his guts. And yet we let characters get away with it…

1.

Ferris Bueller (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off)

Why We Like Him

If there’s anyone that seems to know how to have a good time, it’s this guy. Seriously, the guy skips one day of school and ends up with a giant adventure that was barely able to be contained on film. He goes out and manages to get into one of the finest restaurants in the city, he does karaoke for a crowd, and brings a friend along who normally doesn’t get to go on adventures like this, how can he be such a jerk?

But In Reality…

There’s a reason why his friend is stressing out all the time. It’s because he was put in a situation he doesn’t want to be in the first place. Ferris manages to convince him to take his dad’s luxury car, even though he refused at first because he thought something bad would happen to it (which did totally happen, by the way). Seriously, after they get the car back home, they try everything they can to get the original miles back on it, but it all leads to Cameron getting so fucking pissed, HE KICKS THE CAR OUT OF HIS HOUSE!

With the car aside, most of the time, it doesn’t seem like he was having a good time. He was going on through the movie being stressed, being annoyed with Ferris, while Ferris is just off having the greatest day in his life! What kind of friend puts his friend through shit like that? We can thank Ferris for ruining his life, because the next time we see Cameron, he’s out robbing a bank in an episode of Psych. Speaking of which….

2.

Shawn Spencer (Psych)

Why We Like Him

Shawn Spencer is pretty much the modern Sherlock Holmes, but, without the Asperger’s. Not only that, but he is incredibly likable. How can you not like a guy who keeps his sarcastic humor even while being held at gunpoint? Aside from being consistent, he is funny, cool, and he’s sexy looking.

But In Reality…

This guy has to be the worst best friend ever. Seriously, he makes his friend Gus go through so much crap! In the beginning, he forges his signature for the lease of the building that they own for their agency. Also, he breaks into Gus’s house and it was pretty clear that Gus wasn’t expecting that. Shawn also manages to make Gus do a lot of things that Gus really didn’t want to. Shawn volunteers him to deliver an animal even though he has no prior experience. He also never calls him by his real name when he is introducing him. Also, the magic head thing was also kind of a dick move as well!

His jerkiness doesn’t end with his best friend; in one episode, he calls one of his older dates that he ditched. It’s kind of implied that he picks up a lot of girls, because even while his friend is being held hostage in a band and shit is about to go down, on his way to save his friend, he stops right in the middle to talk to a random girl before getting called to his attention that he’s got shit to do.

3.

Johnny Storm (The Fantastic Four)

Why We Like Him

Johnny Storm is arguably the coolest character in the Fantastic Four. Just by shouting “FLAME ON!” his whole body turns on fire. He is also able to shoot fire and fly. He is also the character who still seems to like to have a good time. He’s pretty much the party animal of the Fantastic Four.

But In Reality…

There’s a reason why the Ben seems to be annoyed all the time, other than the fact that he found out he had to be in those two shitty Fantastic Four movies.

One thing, Johnny Storm picks on him a lot. Even in the movies, he pretty much just shows off how cool his powers are compared to Ben’s. Also, being a party animal has its perks of being kind of a god damn douche bag. He picks up a lot of girlfriends, but then just dumps them just because they probably became boring. Nobody likes people who can pick up whoever they want.

4.

Jim Halpert (The Office)

Why We Like Him

Out of all the people in The Office, Jim seems to be the most sane person there. He was also a pretty relatable character towards the beginning of the show, with him and his crush on the receptionist. Also, he’s the only person that seems to like to bring life to the office by keeping people on the edge of their seat!

But In Reality…

And when we say keeping people on the edge of their seat, we don’t mean he helps throw constant parties for everyone. In some parts of the show, Jim can be the meanest guy in the office. He victimizes Dwight a lot with all of his practical jokes. And most of his practical jokes are on Dwight anyway.

Dwight isn’t the only victim in the grand scheme of his pranks. In the first episode, he puts his boss’s coffee mug in jello. Also, when Andy is introduced as a character, he does the same thing to him! Not only that, but he also tosses his cell phone in the ceiling and keeps calling it so he would go crazy trying to figure out where his phone was. And when we say “go crazy” we don’t mean him just looking everywhere in the office, he goddamn punches a hole in a wall!

You might be saying “Well, these guys kind of deserve the pranks they are getting” but let’s be honest. If these pranks were directed at you, would you like Jim as much as you do now? Even the prank where he has Dwight hit himself on the head with his own phone?

5.

The Good Witch (The Wizard of Oz)

Why We Like Her

Saying the Witch is one of the good guys in the story is like saying that the Wicked Witch of the East is wicked. Just the fact that she has “Good” in her name pretty much keeps her being the good guy.

But In Reality…

We’ve harped on this person before as not really being who she seems, but there’s still so much to be said. Even though she’s the “Good Witch” and does have magical powers, she practically does nothing to help Dorothy on her adventure at all. Because of this, Dorothy has to go through a bunch of trees that throw apples at her, a wizard who really doesn’t help her at all, and she dances with death towards the end when she is captured by the wicked witch. You might say “Well, this is for her personal benefit, this is a learning experience” but all she really wanted was to go home.

6.

Yoshi (Super Mario World)

Why We Like Him

Yoshi has to be the coolest dinosaur that ever lived (or not lived, we guess). Not only does he make a viable opponent on Super Smash Brothers, but his cuteness can be matched with his ferocity!

But In Reality…

Yoshi is never full EVER! At least, that’s what is implied in the Super Mario World TV show. So, anybody who is 5 feet away from Yoshi is in danger of being eaten alive. Also, he’ll just swallow you whole. That means, you’ll be alive while his stomach is still trying to digest you. Ok, so, what if he swallows you, and you turn into an egg? Well, for the people who played Yoshi’s Island, you know that you’re going to be used as a weapon. So, you’re just trapped in a shell, waiting to be thrown so you can end it all.

“But!” cried you while you were playing Super Mario World “The eggs seem to not contain the enemy when they are thrown” So, it can be implying something else. Those eggs he’s throwing could be his unborn children. But, we guess it would have to be a girl Yoshi for that to happen. But that doesn’t matter, because there is still a lot about a male Yoshi that needs to be said.

For instance, Yoshi’s pretty evil, because most of the time he jus-OH MY GOD! LOOK AT HIM, HE’S SO ADORABLE!

Written by Simon OBrien – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.com